The Broadobald Family

I'm Married To A Really Good Sport

2011-12-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

It finally happened! My hopes and dreams for our family Christmas card finally came true. For several years we had wanted to recapture the magic of the Olan Mills classic "floating head" picture. Mostly because we thought it would be funny if my grandma thought that Cory's floating head meant that he'd died. And while Cory's untimely death isn't funny, confusing grandma sometimes is.

Jami was very gracious to cast her pearls (photography skills & studio) before swine (us).

In preparation for this photo shoot, we had to start carbo loading in 2007, track down toddler bifocals and call in a coupol'a favors from people who had spare turtlenecks willing to loan. Also, Jami has never forgotten the power of a hot curling iron coupled with Aussie Sprunch Spray (Maximum Hold).

"Mommy's Tender Loving Nook"

"But Seriously, Never Leave Mommy's Nook"

"Rooting Around for Loose Change"

Hailey Always Finds The Best Stuff on The Internet

2011-10-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

.

She does, right?

PS. There's a whole series of these gems here. Spoiler (treat) alert! Episode #2 has an orphan and a cameo by Emily Mortimer.

Halloween Decisions

2011-09-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

What I want Calvin to dress as for Halloween:

What Calvin wants to dress as for Halloween:

To be fair, he doesn't know who either guy is. He just knows that "Dark Vader" gets to have a sword. So then there's that.

Calvin's Birthday 2011

2011-09-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

This year we finally had to throw a birthday party for Calvin. He's old enough now to know what they are and that he should get one.

You know what lots of time on Pinterest does? It skews your worldview into thinking kid parties should include a lot of handmade things. PINTEREST LIES! Those gross party packages from Walmart that include balloons, plates, and cups with Go Diego do just fine. I tapped into some place inside of me that wields a glue gun and some ribbon and my credit card and I became best friends with Hobby Lobby for a week.

But for this little man, I would buy all the shiz at Hobby Lobby and glue it all together with hot glue and top it with a bow if that's what he wanted. (But also: he just wanted the WalMart party pack)

Thanks, brothers, for all the hours spent camping/freezing/whittling/derbying/fighting with mom/earning these merit badges so I could just rip them off and put them on a party banner. Suckers!

Just some casual fishing.....

No big deal....

But then, what's this?

RUN KIDS, RUN!!!!

This is what the face of baby terror looks like. It kind of breaks the heart, yes?

Maybe a ferocious bear party mascot was not age-appropriate for children under 15?

But this bear is cool. He gives high fives!

And when he falls on his knees due to heat exhaustion, you can even hop aboard for an awkward ride?

Sullivan was even more upset when the bear embraced his mom. That little guy really thought this was the end of her. And if there is one thing I know about Sullivan, he loves his mama (and nautical-themed outfits).

Gavin said "Uh, no thanks!".

So much heat exhaustion. Hope Cory and Jenna sprung for your Instacare bill when you almost fainted later! (Let us know if you want cash or check)

This might be my favorite picture. Because Perry doesn't even care. He just nestled in and was also just a little bit bored. He's a baby gangster!

"Yawn...."

This is where Sullivan looked at us hot, tired, and covered in cake and said, "Not cool guys!"

The bear left and then Tyler showed up....super sweaty and losing body moisture at alarming rates. Maybe his pupils got really small and his knees buckled. What's wrong Tyler? (Be sure to hydrate!)

Thanks everyone who made this kiddo's fourth birthday amazing!

Peas and Carrots

2011-08-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

Calvin really misses his cousin Adam.

This is more of a public plea to Jae and Beth to move to Utah because the children need each other.

(This picture has a hidden amazing-ness. It's called the "Well Bless Your Heart" signature look. See if you can spot it.)

But seriously Jae and Beth. GET 'FER HOME. That's all.

Bulk Orders from China

2011-08-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when all you ever do is talk about mustaches for so long, your brother thinks about what he can get you for your birthday and then he calls China and orders a bulk order of mustaches. Because he's thoughtful and a good listener.

And then these things happen:

(If you ask anyone who knows my dad a good word to describe him they'll probably say "consistent". And that holds true even in picture poses.)

See? Consistent.

Apparently I get my "consistency" for mustaches and muskrats from him. You can't fight genetic propensities.

So. There you have it. Another post about mustaches. I'm renaming my blog "The Mustache Marathon".

Professional Freeloaders: Free Family Pictures Edition

2011-08-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the movie Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? Man, I used to love that movie as a kid. Professional freeloading around a fancy town called Beaumont-sur-Mer.

Well. Cory and I have been "scoundreling" it all around Beaumont-sur-Orem this summer.

And let me tell you something. Don't let anyone ever tell you to stand on your

own two feet and be independent. It's lot of work man! And for what?

So you can look yourself in the mirror? So you can sleep at night?

So when you're out to dinner with people you can grab your wallet and say

"let me get this"?

Turns out, it's much easier to just lurk around and wait for people to give you stuff. For example:

Free Family Pictures.

Jae and Beth and their family came into town (hooray!). Part of their Utah travel

tradition is to hire my ever-talented sister-in-law Jami Broadbent

to take their family pictures. Look how cute this little family is:

Then, you just kind of tag along to the photo shoot and

while the real (paying) family is getting situated....

You just casually jump in for a frame or two. The best part is: no one would ever catch on

to you zoinks-ing free family pictures because if you were going to do that,

you'd all be showered and wearing matching outfits and your son

would NOT be in a dirty monster truck tee.

See? You just like, get free pictures and no one is the wiser.

You can even grab spare kids standing by. See how this works? Free stuff for the taking!

Now. The real coup de grace happens when I send out Jae & Beth's pictures

as our Christmas cards this year with our faces photoshopped in. Whoot!

Professional Freeloaders: Free Vacation Rentals Edition

2011-08-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

This one is a little more tricky. You've got to have a sister-in-law that works for a fancy law firm owned by a super nice/cool lawyer who has a cabin in Bear Lake and lets your sister-in-law use it. And THEN you have to make sure he lets her use it on a week when everyone has prior commitments early on in the week but "ZOINKS!" since you're a dirty rotten scoundrel you get to be at a beautiful cabin in beautiful Bear Lake all week. This is another good time to have your son in a dirty monster truck tee because maybe you can score some free tots at La Beau's or something.

Because you saved so much on the cabin rental, you are able to go golfing twice a day, every day (Cory's tan is really coming along so nicely we're running out of aloe vera).

And go to fun plays at a place called "Pickleville Playhouse" (FOR REAL THAT WAS THE NAME HAILEY!! And they sold pickles at intermission!).

Calvin took a photo opp with the star of the show. This is Joseph and we've been singing so many songs about him since the play.

As we gazed out the back deck of this amazing cabin, we thought of our amazing and generous sister-in-law Monica (THANK YOU MONICA!) and how this summer so far has not sucked even in the slightest.

Jessica The Beautiful

2011-08-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

This is our beautiful niece, Jessica.

She is a soccer star in Dallas and is now making her debut as a
perfect-skinned user of soft towels. You look gorgeous Jessie!

Please send us an autographed headshot at your convenience.
Also, since you're a rich and famous spokesperson now, you need to keep your family "in towels".

The Hills WERE Alive

2011-08-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

Cory and I went to Sundance this weekend for a birthday showing of Sound of Music.

Bad Manners For A Good Cause

2011-08-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

It's probably really impolite/bad form/illegal to steal and post pictures of other people's children. But I have a moral responsibility to America, Freedom, Good Works, and Integrity to post these pictures of Roman.

Hailey and Craig. You have officially made the best baby in all the land.

Hailey even makes themed outfits/photo opps. I mean, COME ON.

You Know, Throwing Shiz.

2011-08-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

This makes Alice Waters cry

2011-07-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

You know how it's really good to feed your kids lots of fruits and vegetables and whole foods?

There's also a time where he's sporting a cheeto/dorito/oreo dust and you know in your heart that it's okay too. Especially when the processed hydrogenated msg nacho cheese dust forms the perfectly dirty old trucker mustache.

Feed Me Seymour

2011-07-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

You know what is a really great part of moving? Finding things you forgot you had.

Like this book that my inlaws gave us when we got married....which led to a really insightful conversation with the hubs.

If you like having insightful conversations with your hubs and/or life partner, you should take this quiz.

But here's fair warning. I think you only get to pick like, 1 language (2 tops). Because apparently can't say that you have all 5 of them. And that all five need to be fed 24/7. Because it's at that moment he realizes that loving you is an uphill battle. Then he gets overwhelmed. Then sleepy.

Skip the insightful conversation altogether and instead make him rub your feet for long amounts of time while asking you why you still look 22 and then he could do that trick where he pulls a small box out of the couch cushions and "surprise!" new diamond earrings!

Just keep a good thing going sister.

Paris, New York, Milan and Bisbee

2011-07-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

I came across these really great photos from the Kate Spade Spring 2006 campaign shot in beloved Bisbee at the best trailer park in the southwest region.

Hailey, remember when we also stood by the side of the road in big sun hats and a sign? But only ours read "tacos please".
Cory and I have stayed in this very trailer. Only my clutch at the time was green and the giant flower on my cropped glitter jacket had polka dots. Besides those things, and so many others, it was exactly the same.

Some People Call This A Haboob

2011-07-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

So intense. I wish all of you clean nooks and crannies wherever they may be.

And We've Landed.

2011-06-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

So, this is what happened.

We lived in Arizona for like, 43 years. And it was sometimes really fun, delicious, and smelled like blooming citrus flowers....but then other times it was hot, dry, and stupid.

So we were like, "Let's get out of here, yo".

Then Cory took this magnificent photo whose perspective, I realized, could only be taken by lying in the middle of a busy desert highway. Hey, but seriously Cory, DON'T EVER LAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGHWAY AGAIN.

And a "via con dios y hasta luego to you" land of bone dust.

Don't cry guy! Unless you're just resting your face. Or laughing jovially? Maybe it's too bright out here? Listen. You need to stop. Clearly you're upsetting your wife.

This is the literal bridge that spans Arizona and Utah. It is also the figurative bridge that I shall burn just as soon as we cross over. Because I'm really good at burning bridges. But not with you. Of course I don't mean you.

You can slow my vehicle, speed limit signs, but you cannot slow the enthusiasm in my heart.

Hello Utah. What's this? Green grass and trees? Well bless your heart.

Calvin loves it so much here.

And I love it so much that Calvin loves it so much here.

We're never leaving. Our ashes shallst be scattered in the mountain pines and on the backs of soaring eagles.

Why The Phone Never Rang

2011-06-06T23:42:00.001-07:00

Calvin unearthed this little gem from my parents' toy room. It was my standard issue babysitting box that all girls in the 1980s received from church. This handy little pre-teen briefcase was to be personalized to be cute and inviting! Because a Merrie Miss knows that a great babysitting box makes a positive first impression. And many positive impressions can lead to steady babysitting gigs and that means lots of quarters and great practice for being a mother when you turn 18.

So let's look at why I was only ever asked to babysit per family one time.

I mean, sure. I picked the box's theme to be "Fall Guy".

And probably the only decorating I did was lazily placing some stickers..... of burning police cars......
But also some water ski moves! He's wearing a helmet because safety first....
Uh oh!

And then there's also the part where I sectioned off the two sides of the tote to be gender-specific.

The girls side:
-Barbies
-Police Play (?)
-Ponys
-Barbie (Just making sure we're covered with the Barbies)
-Close (Clothes?)

The boys side:
-Books
-Legos
-Gun
-Police

Even though the babysitting career was short lived, I feel like I learned what I needed to to be a good mom. And when Calvin is dressed in his close, sitting on the floor playing with his gun and police, and we decide to go hang from a cliff together, I won't let go of that rope until Colt Seavers comes in a burning police car to the rescue.

Magnificent. Just Magnificent

2011-05-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

We do not regret our decision to move to Utah one bit.

Read this.

The Crowning Jewel For A Fireplace Mantel Or Office Cubicle

2011-05-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

This picture is a culmination of a life's work. A dream that hatched when looking at aunts and uncles' awesome photo collections made at Spring Breaks 1982-1989/their weddings.

Shannon and I had the theme options of "Victorian" or "Cat House Tramps".

"Why come all this way just to stop at Victorian?! Victorian is for those with soft resolves and life regrets! Winners go all the way!" yelled the previously mentioned compulsion voice. Shannon heard it too! Our head shoutings were in sync. And we each share the blame and credit for the glory. But then there isn't any glory, is there? That's what your mother doesn't tell you when giving you the rundown of life's hazards and consequences. We are the Thelma and Louise of Gross Photo Decisions.

PS. The boys (dads and kids) all loved dressing up. Nobody wanted to give their pistols back. And who can blame them?

The Time We Murdered The Mood At The OK Corral

2011-05-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

There is an understanding when you attend a Star Trek Convention/Mountain Man Rendezvous/Civil War Re-Enactment that everyone adheres to "the mood". Because when character is broken, well, then it's just a bunch of adults standing around in costumes in 2011.

Usually, we're mad respecters people doing their thing circa 1884. But when we went to Tombstone and met up with the Banks family, our excitement of being reunited really trumped any protocol and/or gentlemen's agreement.

So you'll feel bad for the hard-living folk who rode their Harleys/were on weekend military leave/came from near and far to pay homage to "The Town Too Tough To Die". Because all they really wanted to do was to stroll Tombstone, get crazy wasted, play poker and maybe shoot someone/be shot at.

First, let's start out with daytime activities. Before the said mood killing commenced.

Ah kids. Everyone loves kids, right? They're so cute!

Enter the cast of players.

Uh oh. If you think this picture is symbolic of things turning ominous, you're right!

Big Nose Kate's Saloon for a late dinner. Turns out, it's not just a run-of-the-mill Applebees. (In our defense, they do have chicken fingers on the menu....it's just not so much that people show up for chicken fingers when they go there....)

And the old trucker country band? It was a perfect opportunity for the kids to get out and pretend like it was birthday time at Chuck-E-Cheese.

Don't worry, even when we knew we were ruining the "vibe", we sure did stay. Because at that point, the uncomfortableness becomes like a compulsion (Jenn you know what I'm talking about). And I can't pull away nor do I want to. I want it to build and crescendo until there's nothing left around us but broken tough man-dreams and waitresses dressed like cat-house ladies with surprisingly small tips for a Saturday night.

Our next plot is to ride an ice cream truck through Sturgis during this year's motorcycle rally blasting Justin Bieber.

For The Calvin Archives

2011-05-03T16:37:00.001-07:00

We took Calvin to the Bisbee Mining and Historical Museum because trips need to be educational too, dammit.

If you find yourself in Bisbee, you should pay a visit to this museum! "But the whole town is a museum", you say. "Yes, but you have to pay $7 per person for this museum so you know it's good." The Smithsonian collaborated with the local hippies/hobos to put it all together and it's really a "must see" of Bisbee's illustrious history.

If your kid has never been to a mining museum, then his/her face will be FREAKED OUT when he sees the many mannequins around wearing scary old timey clothes--some mining in plastic dioramas made to look the hot dark bowels of the earth. Let's just say it was a little unnerving for both young and old.

Remember when this one looks just like Parker Posey? Stool Boom!

To keep Calvin from bolting from the displays, I did my best in 3-year-old-ese that these mannequins aren't people, just big doll toys and look! They're funny, aren't they!? It's fun to see big doll people!

After we left the museum we were walking down the street and I noticed Calvin hanging back ever so slightly. He was staring at an old man who was standing still reading the menu in a restaurant window. Standing a little too still. Before I could say anything, Calvin stepped gingerly behind the man and gently shimmied his fingers into that slight fold where buttock and upper thigh meet. He took hold gently, like a handle, so not a "grab" or a "pinch" but more of a "handshake". Hilarity ensued.

Dear Bisbee

2011-04-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Bisbee,

You will always have a place in the heart of our family. Thanks for being such an odd little town that is 3 hours from anything and on the way to nowhere. Your greatness lies in your neglect and your authenticity. Because if someone had put a bunch of money up to rebuild you or turn you into a resort town, you wouldn't be so magical. Always be a place for hippies, artists, and hobos. Thanks for feeling like a home away from home for the past five years. Thanks for one last hurrah this past weekend. One day, in the future, we hope to be back, Cory and I old(er) and weathered(er), hauling an Airstream that we'll park for a week or two and we'll all pick up where we left off. Until then, please don't change.

We love you little strange town.

TTFN. LYLAS.

The Broadobalds

Hat Parade!

2011-04-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

I don't care about Cory's taunts and laughs. The wedding was magical. Right now I don't care about the tyranny of King George or the proud American history of brave patriots. Freedom, phsssht. Today, I'm a loyal English subject loving every moment of it.

I mean, THE HATS! So fabulously ridiculous. The slew of ultra-rich-tan-skinny people with silly names like Pippa! Hats are the status symbol of our day.

The dress. Grace Kelly called. She wants to give you a posthumous high five!

Prince Harry drowning in giant curtain tassels. Loved it.

The cheeky side jokes when Kate joined William.

The little boy choir!

The happy/drunk subjects cheering from outside at every moment and making it somber and comical!

I don't know what it is that makes this stirring in my heart. I could blame it on Disney movies as a child. But maybe if one day Ariel showed up and sang a beach-side concert, I might get just as excited.

Cheers all other crazy girls that know what I'm talkin' about!

Man Traditions 2011

2011-04-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

"Man Law" dictates all fathers have to take their sons out to the woods for (at least) one night a year. This special night is cause for cheering for Moms, Dads, and Kids alike!

This is what the camp site looked like a few days before. "Big deal", says anyone who lives in Utah reading this. But for Arizona kids, this is "a real situation".

Despite my big talk and special plans for being alone for >24 hours, as soon as the boys pulled out of the driveway I felt enormously weird/alone/worried about choking on food with no one to find my body for 17 hours. Good thing shopping and friends distract! I missed the boys and then realized my independent muscles have atrophied and I am lost without them. Co-dependent and loving it in 2011!

5 Years and Counting...

2011-04-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

(Just two young (but also pretty old) kids in love in 2006)

Today is our 5 year anniversary. I guess people refer to this one as "wood" but I read on the Google that the five year anniversary has been updated to "silverware". So please, to celebrate with us, leave any unwanted/used/old/unwashed spoons and forks at our front door. Thank you for celebrating this momentous occasion with us.

For Cory's anniversary gift, I've been compiling all of our emails of our courtship. You know, because emails are the modern day love letter. Emails of when we met didn't exist because the interweb wasn't invented then. I think we must have communicated via Pony Express between Orem and Santaquin.

I'm 126 pages in to the cutting and pasting. I haven't had time to read the bulk of them, but so far my take on these emails is:

1) I now remember why we both worked 12-14 hour days during August 2005 and February 2006. Because we were emailing for 4.5 hours of each day.

2) We love inappropriate humor. Which gives me second thoughts about compiling these into a printed format that posterity may one day stumble upon.

3) Man, I love this guy. Then and now I'm head over heels for him.

I found a list of goals we put together:

February 4, 2006: move Jenna to Phoenix

April 2006: get married

2008: Have a baby

2034: Fly to the moon

We are right on track! I love you Cory Leon. Never in a billion years will the fact be lost on me that we are so lucky to be together. You are the mate to my soul. The freckles in our eyes are mirror images, I would follow you into the dark, and so on and so forth accentuated with Ben Gibbard lyrics.

Oh Utah, Utah Take Us In.....

2011-04-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

"Load the car and write the note.

Grab your bag and grab your coat.
Tell the ones that need to know.
We are headed north.

One foot in and one foot back.

But it don’t pay to live like that.

So I cut the ties and I jumped the track.

For never to return...."

--Avett Brothers

.............................

We're moving to Utah this summer. Say three hail marys and throw some salt over your left/right shoulder. We can't continue to ignore the motherland's siren call. Calvin informed Cory on a campout this past weekend that "Jesus lives in the mountains."

(This is supposed to be the three of us.)

I don't know who the guy on the right is?

Maybe a hitchhiker we picked up in Kanab?

Hopefully he doesn't have his greedy eye on our winter salted pork supply.

Robot Feelings

2011-04-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

In the distant future of 2016 when we have all turned to robots and stop naturally reproducing and raising our own children, someone will look back and ask, "What did being a human parent feel like"? My answer will be "Like your heart is breaking all the time".

Then I'll clarify that it's not in a bad way.....it's in the way that your heart feels so much love sometimes that it's going to burst. That it sometimes does feel a little sad: like in perfect moments when you also remember it's only THIS moment so enjoy it. Like the part when Calvin is telling knock knock jokes to his imaginary friend "Bobby", or telling us that we smell like hot dogs.

These are the deep thoughts I think as I peruse the Granimals $3 collection in WalMart because Calvin, just overnight, has grown right out of all of his pants. Because little boys sunsets and rainbows are perfect and beautiful but they only last for a short while. And hopefully when I'm a rusty robot rocking on my future porch, I'll remember how much fun it was to be his mom back in 2011.

Let's Do This.

2011-04-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

I enjoy having taste in terrible things that quickly jump the shark. I like to catch them right when the skis are being strapped on, all the way through the deep squat right before the jump. Then I like to suddenly bail and totally act like I don't know what anyone is talking about when they ask if I'm excited for the new Twilight/Season of Jersey Shore/Sarah Palin to run for Presi-Bear. I mean I really don't even know what you're talking about. You have me confused with someone else.

Here are a few things that I love that I hope never jump the shark. And if they do/have, I'll be waiting at the dock with a dry towel and welcoming arms:

1) Anything Anthony Bourdain does. I like his show, I love his new book, and loved his cooking class that Cory gifted me for Christmas. He's funny. Really, funny. He's like hanging out with an uncle who has emphysema and sits in a lawn chair and complains about things in a spot-on kind of way. But an uncle who has traveled the world and is married to a 20-something.

2) Anything Tina Fey does. I mean....I laughed so hard when I saw this today:

Sister knows man hands are ALWAYS a good idea!

3) The Radiohead station on Pandora. It works every time. It spans 1997 to the present with amazing precision.

4) Loving to wear things that look like they were found in a dead lady's garbage can. Anything found on ebay estate lots/garage sales/Last Chance/a dead lady's actual garbage can. Here are my new exciting finds that look especially too-much and senior-chic:

Here are a few things that have totally jumped the shark but I hope they can circle back and make a comeback when the time is right.

1) Blogging. Come on guys. At its worst it's totally self-absorbed, self-promoting, privacy exposing, popularity contest-y, and soap-boxy. Once someone told me she uses her blog to send out hidden "messages" to exes and old friends (yikes almighty and heaven help us all). BUT at its best, it's.....well......we can still have fun, right? You don't have to answer now. Just think about it and get back to me.

2) The phrase "Jump the Shark".

3) Lists about things.

Beating a Dead Horse

2011-04-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

So, as I* was saying........

*Now backed by scientific numbers, polls, indexes, scientists, and the Wall Street Journal. This study did not take into account the bad attitudes of our senior citizens, rogue govt officials, glitter people, and scorpion infestations.

Cory now that I'm right, I will stop complaining. We both win!!!!

Calvin's New Fish

2011-03-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

Since we're at a stall at potty training and sharing, we thought we'd teach Calvin "The Responsibility of Taking Care of Something". Something else we've tried to incorporate into our parenting is calling things by their anatomically correct names. I only do this because my mom was in college biology when she found out the scientific term for vagina wasn't "toocas". Of course the trick is to not laugh or act like it's a big deal when we use these words. Calvin went to the store, picked out his fish, helped put together his new fish home, and named him. Say hello to Calvin's new fish: Boob.

***update: the fish is now named Steve. Cory came home and rescued the situation.**

Scratch All Of That

2011-03-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

Actually, do all of the things listed below. And when you get to the final 8 and are stumped about Kentucky, use the power of logic and reasoning to remember that Ashley Judd was in that one movie in the early 2000s that you kind of liked because her hair was cute and then you remember watching an E True Hollywood Story about her that she LOVES Kentucky basketball and cheers at all of their games. And then think about loyal, cheering fans and how historically yelling good things to people and clapping can help lift people's spirits and perform a miracle......

Like Lucky Kentucky moving forward and me, currently in second in the bracket--poised never to win, but not to be last place. And that's what my mom always told me to strive for.

March Madness Bracket Don'ts

2011-03-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

This year we're participating in a March Madness basketball round robin tournament thing with a graph and funny team names and winners and losers and money to make it interesting.

Just in case you ever find yourself having to make tournament picks and you don't know anything about the sport except that someone named Jimmer is "so hot right now", then you can learn from these mistakes:

1) Don't pick team names that sound like the could be the name of a cheese.

Ex:
"Mmmm. Gonzaga cheese. So pungent. Great for salads."

2) Don't pick team names that sound like attendees at a Jane Austen ball circa 1782:

Ex:
Dame Vanderbuilt of Notre
The Marquett of Princeton
Archbishop St. Peter d' Wofford
Duke of Hampton
The Count of Villanueva (you know, the mysterious spanish aristocrat)

3) If you the teams you're choosing between don't fit either category above, don't default to picking the team who is in the state that is not the state that you know someone from that you don't like.

Ex:
I hate that guy!

4) Know before you pick that the numbers beside the teams mean something called a ranking. And if you don't know that, then you will have to rely on a lot of somethings called "upsets".

5) Save your $10 entry fee and just award it to the player who comes up with the dirtiest/funniest name. (you know who you are). jajajajaja.

Easy Peasy.

2011-03-14T16:50:00.001-07:00

For a long time I've wanted to take a design class so I could put the awesome ideas I have of beavers with nunchucks and rifle-wielding sea otters on paper. But then I found a site where other people have already done that (hooray www!). It's kind of like when it's time to make dinner and it seems overwhelming/like work and then you remember all the easy drive-throughs nearby who have already done it for you. I can't stop buying things from Society6. So if you ever need a hoodie of a deer wearing gym socks, you can borrow mine.

Here's some of my favs:

P.S. Christmas

2011-03-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Also, Christmas happened a few months ago.

Fake snow!
Christmas is a time to remember that if you lie and cheat, the dolls will come get you while you sleep.

Merry Christmas 97 days late!

The Mystique* Of Youth Is Gone

2011-03-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

I've been to L.A. probably 25 times in my life. 24 of those times were kind of lame. But only because I was there for random things like buying a car or doing an internship at a hip-hop station (???). But then Cory and I had the tingling of a midlife crisis coming on so we drove there on a Monday night to go to Conan. I don't want to ruin the surprise ending but the surprise ending is this: we are way too old to be driving all night for things.

We stayed at the Roosevelt. Which is really fun when you drive up and all the paparazzi jump to attention but then they see that it's just another case of two 30-somethings trying to prove to themselves they can still be fun people and driving an early century station wagon. Sit down boys, nothing to see here....

These doors look ominous. Like through these doors is where teen stars go when they turn 24 and are all washed up and mined for spare parts to sell to a rich lady in Beverly Hills.
The hotel's artwork is comprised of narratives by a famous paparazzi. Smooth move Roosevelt. Because I'm not sure which side you're on: the teenage stars that party here or the paparazzi that stalk them. I think you're on the side of that desperate churning fame machine and all of its parts. That machine that makes us all win!

Yes, I've been watching Toddlers and Tiaras. And if nothing else, it has taught me the correct moves to "sparkle" for the judges. And if I can "sparkle" my way to a supreme title, my dad will love me. That show should probably be illegal for breaking 34.5 domestic, international, and God's laws.

Cory just naturally "sparkles" even when he's not trying.

Well LA, you're a pretty great town. We'll come back soon, if you'll have us. But this time we'll need to stay more than 16 hours because that's just too hard on our old bones. Also, Amber and the Bowens: pencil us in for a taco date.

*Not referring to Jenn Cook's "Sweet Mystique" Fragrance for the Discerning Lady. (TM 2010).

Dreams Come True

2011-01-25T17:09:00.000-08:00

The following announcement is listed not in chronological order, but in order of excitement:

1) His character is my celebrity crush and his mustache is lustrous.

2) Nick Offerman a.k.a. Ron Swanson is also a guest.

3) Cory and I are going to a Conan taping next week.

4) Jennifer Anniston will be a guest.

Chronological Key: 3, 4, 2, 1

I know I have really been on an over usage kick about mustaches and told myself to "reign 'er in" but then the universe made this all happen and I know in my heart that mustaches and I are not over. Not yet. Soon. But not quite yet.

I wonder if his mustache smells like lavender and bacon....just like I'd imagined. I'll let you know on Wednesday.

We've Been Eating A Lot of Sugar This Month

2010-12-20T14:08:00.000-08:00

75% of it has been centered around edible facial hair on a stick and other manly-themed accouterments.

It Was So Vivid!

2010-12-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

In celebration of the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" and/or the Young Womanhood Recognition Awards, Hailey made this beautiful rainbow cake. It was so beautiful, I just had to share it with you.

2010-12-20T13:57:00.000-08:00

I heard Calvin yelling in the kitchen, "Candy hands mom! Candy hands!".

He had rustled up the cake decorating supplies and created this work of art.

Sitting beside the supplies was this book he'd found earlier in the bookshelf (WAY back on the bookshelf. Where the lame books sit. The books written by liar-liar-pants-on-fires).

Thanks for being an inspiration for kids craft ideas Jame Frey.

Do You Like Travel And Intimate Serenades?

2010-12-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

You do???

Well then. Help me out please! I'm working on a project and I need your input. Your opinions on travel would be very highly valued and I would be so grateful, I would loan Cory out for a free candlelight serenade. One lucky winner will even get a slow dance.

Thanks in advance for being cool and/or supportive!

CLICK HERE FOR THE FIRST STEP TO A NIGHT WITH CORY.

This Has Nothing To Do With Thanksgiving or Family

2010-11-17T16:42:00.000-08:00

I have decided to turn over a new leaf. I have a full library of important leather-bound books in the background and I have decided to switch from celebrity gossip news to Big Boy News. Also, instead of calling people "dude", I now say "my good man". So you know fancy things are happening.

So I read this story today about a bunch of French people who staged a sit-in on Ryanair because it arrived 200 miles from its supposed destination, in the wrong country, and without a formal announcement from the airline staff. Ryanair flights cost -$1.50. It is literally cheaper than riding your bike to 7-11. In a former life when I have flown with them, I always end up sitting next to the guy holding a chicken on his lap. It's Ryanair guys. The airline from the country who is supposed to file bankrupcy any day now. Let's just shimmy that bar down a few notches.

But, my good man, I digress.

The funny part? The French passengers thought their best punishment would be to CONTINUE SITTING ON THE PLANE FOR FOUR HOURS (without food, water, or working toilets). I love you France. You have a special je ne seis quoi that was bred out of us Americans over centuries scratching ourselves and shopping at Costco. When this kind of thing happens in America, we inflate the emergency slide, raid the mini bar, punch people, flex, and slide out of that mother as fast as we can say "fend for yourselves!". And then Toby Keith writes a song about it.

France wins the patience award and an honorable mention for the "subtle but persistent eff you". Good job guys.

Mustache Memories Part Deux

2010-11-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Some photos taken at our annual trip to Shenpf Farms for Halloween festivities. Did a repeat of last year of asking the face painting guy at the entrance for a mustache. So even though the joke may be passe, the fact that everyone jumped on board this year really took it to the next level. And when Hailey asked him for "A mustache please. But make it a feminine mustache", it was over the top.

Since blogmomtographers are so hot right now, I'm thinking I'm going to up the ante. I'm going to be a blogmomtographer but only take pictures with my iphone hipstamatic app (see below) and charge my customers high fives and a pack of chiclets. Sign up now!

2010-10-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hey,

Remember when I love sex offender apps and I love Antoinne Dodson? And remember when it all collided?

Does This Autospell Make My Fingers Look Fat?

2010-10-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

I jumped into a Delorian and drove to 2010 and have recently become an owner of an iphone.

I have heard the iphone has some really useful apps. I wouldn't know about those. So far I have a sex predator locator (it's a laser that scans your retinas to see if you're a pervert...just kidding...it just looks to see who is registered in your neighborhood so you can go deliver jack-o-lanterns with a knives stuck in them with a sign that says "You".)

Also, Skeeball.

But I'm not so sure I love the texting. It's more to do with my chubby digits. Autospell has been working overtime. Calvin's name is autospelled as "Falcon" so we're going to probs going to just stick with that one. And Santaquin is autospelled as "Fantastic" so that's true.

Yesterday on a word it suggested "Himmler". Really. Right off the bat. Like typing in the name of Hitler's right hand man is soooo common. (Please it's really not, is it?) Well we're all goin' to hell. You too late night pumpkin recipients.

Monsoon Madness

2010-09-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

Phoenix is lovely in August because it rains like a mother scratcher.

This is how we usually look in the afternoon in the summer. Yes, that is a diet coke from McDonalds slightly out of focus. We all have our ways to cope.

But then it started raining. And when it rains in Phoenix when it's 114 degrees outside, the rain drops are a refreshing 109 degrees! It's like tears from a hot tub coming down out of the sky.
Also, Calvin is cute in the bath.

Mother Nature's Sweet Embrace

2010-09-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Why is camping in the out-of-doors so amazing? I mean really.

Ah greasy tees. Wait. That's an awesome nickname for my son. Greasy Tees.

Calvin loves is aunt Hailey, her baby bump, and her jam sticks. I love this picture.

If You've Ever Been To My House, Don't Read This

2010-08-23T18:42:00.001-07:00

Remember that scary movie about the family who lived in a house that was built on a native american burial ground/where an ax murderer killed his family/that was haunted by the ghost of Christmas past?

Well are you ready for this one?

We used to live in this house until we sold it a few weeks ago.

It was really great until summer hit and I would see a few scorpions skitter across the floor a few times a week. Sometimes they liked to crawl out of the faucet or up through sink/tub drains.

I voiced my concerns to my husband, you know, because we have a toddler in the house and when I was stung last year and paralyzed for a day, it really harshed my mellow. Too bad one of Cory's things to do in his spare time is "not believing me".

It got to the point that I became absolutely obsessive over them. Like you know the feeling when you're walking around all day with a poisonous monkey with talon claws and bloody fangs on your back?

So. We met up for dinner with the gay fireman who bought the house. But wait. HE'S NOT GAY. When he said "I just sold my house in the Encanto (gay) district I bought and remodeled with my partner but then we split up" he actually meant business partner. And his glamor muscles are not just for show. They are to save lives in fires. And the fact that he is the nicest man alive. And no straight man is that nice except for 20 minutes pre and post coitus (FACT). So all the time we spent gossiping and laughing about boys over brunch and planning matching outfits and scheduling tandem bike rides was well.....I don't know....I feel a little weird/disappointed/lonely again.

Anywho.....

He brought us up to date on the house remodel. Let's review these items of business:

1) He took out a wall and found HERDS OF SCORPIONS living in there.

2) He started taking out a bunch more walls FILLED WITH GAGGLES OF SCORPIONS.

3) He's had to take down entire structures to GET TO THE FLOCKS OF SCORPIONS LIVING IN OUR WALLS.

4) He got super drunk one night and took a black light out to the backyard and found GANGS OF SCORPIONS hanging out on the walls/fence/bushes.

To drive the point home, he took us over to the house and pulled out the black light. There they all were in their glory. Just hanging out like the little sons of guns they are. Cowards!

So I tell you this story to prove two points. Cory should start believing me. Except, of course, when it comes to telling him about my new gay best friend. And also, PHOENIX YOU ARE THE WORST PLACE EVER. I mean it. THE WORST.

Our Turn On Earth

2010-08-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

A long time ago when Cory and I were sitting in our airstream trailer in heaven and watching our future life together on earth, you know, on the future watching machine, we saw this part and we both looked at each other and gave each other a high five. Because we were like, "Earth is super cool and amazing and we'll have a super cool and amazing kid!".

The heavenly rays shining down on Calvin aren't even photoshopped.
This move Calvin is doing is a defensive move Melissa taught me where you say "Get back you're not my dad!" and then you kick. It saves 32 kids' lives every day.

Also, when we watched this the first time I tried to tell myself to remember to make Calvin's clothes match that day. But then, when it actually came around, I forgot. Oh well.

My Mom and The Japanese People Are Hilarious

2010-08-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

I had a surprise package from Japan waiting at the post office for me today.

It contained this message:

"Welcome to yukata kimono world! Hello. I am Yuzo Mishima. It is the best joy that we send the best yukata and kimono to you. Let's wear it right now and go to the town!! You cannot forget it once if you experience the beauty." And go to the town I did.

Inside was this beautiful kimono:

I had no idea where this magical kimono came from until I saw one small clue that pointed to my mom. When I called she said she had been searching high and low for many years for a suitable replacement for my beloved dragon robe.

I think she thinks that the reason we're not pregnant again is solely this robes' fault. It is only 32% this robes' fault. The other 68% belongs to "those damn housedresses you wear".

So I'm pretty sure now that I have my magical yukata kimono, best wishes from a Yuzo Mishima, and some advice from my mom on how not to make my husband cringe when he sees me, I think we're all set!

Wait, this post was actually supposed to be about this picture I found on their website for "plus sized kimonos"

The Japanese people couldn't find one fat person among their population so a couch cushion tied to her front had to suffice. Crazy/thin Asians!

LITERALLY the best night of our lives.

2010-08-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

On the 24th, Jarin and Jami invited us to join their family in Mona for a fireworks celebration. At first I thought Jarin was playing one of his practical jokes because 1) Everyone knows Mona isn't even a real town and b) if people did live there, surely there would only be a few sparklers and maybe a Vietnam vet singing patriotic tunes in a bullhorn. But guess what? Mona IS a real town! And it's the BEST town EVERRRR!!!!!!

It's like Mona went up to the Stadium of Fire, punched Carrie Underwood in the face, and then took all of their fireworks and then added 10% more and then made it free to the public! Nobody knows how to party like the Monans. There were glow sticks a plenty! A town dance with lasers and smoke machines and Justin Beiber!

Ah Jarin and your marathon training and your practical jokes and your inside track on everything that is good in Utah. You are like the grand marshal of fun times.

Ada looks like she is on fire. She may be. With Beiber fever.

At the conclusion of the night, Cory turned to me with a glint of a tear in his eye and said, "Jenna. Tonight I looked over and saw my mom with glow sticks singing and dancing to Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA."" And we didn't have to say another word. Mona would be in our hearts forever and ever amen.

Oh Utah.

2010-08-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

We probably had the best trip of all time. It was over way too quickly and we weren't able to visit with friends we had long been awaiting a visit with. I guess that means we'll have to go back in September, I think that's how that works.

My mom flew out to Phoenix to drive back with Calvin and I. We stopped in Kanab and stayed at the best old hotel and bought Calvin a bunch of crazy wild west tchotchkes.
We galloped down the street and got the semis to honk.

We ate at a really great cafe where we met an old couple from New York doing a tour of "the west". We told them stories about the Mormon pioneer settlements and then afterward, we figured they probably weren't true but hopefully they spiced up that couple's trip!
We spent ample time (but still not enough) hanging out with Porter, Mae, and Mads and their awesome Mom who likes to drive super fast down Spanish Fork main street racing all the trucks.
We decided one day we're going to steal/adopt Koa (Ko-Ko Moshe)
Calvin found one of my old job charts and started doing all the jobs on it while I caught up on Real Housewives.
Then it was off to the parades of small towns! This one was Nephi. It was pretty much amazing.
Mmmm. Yes please.
What the what?? Tiny horses are creepy. Huh Hailey?
I love and adore this family. So much so that I invited myself to many of their family events.

We didn't know this little girl but Calvin either a) thought it was a cousin or b) liked the cut of her jib because he kept wanting to sit by her and talk to her.
Our very own Mads was IN the parade! I loved her vintage cowgirl getup. She looked beautiful!

What the what??? (Part 2). I have never seen anyone ride a cow. See if you can spot the best part of this picture.....
That's right. It's this guy with his leg propped up thinking "What the heeeyack?"
We met up with the Broadbents at the rodeo. Calvin ADORES his grandpa. Let me tell you.
Miles and Ada.
No laughing Aunt Jami. It's just because the band matched his shirt perfectly.

Post rodeo carnival with Porter.

We miss Utah and all our family and friends. Thanks for such a fun trip!!

Utah Trip II: The Park City Years

2010-07-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

Part II of our trip to the motherland included a Theobald family reunion in Park City.

Uncle Tyler is skewing the average age of the kids' room much higher.

Cute sister in laws!
Someone brought a "flerm" or a "flerp" or a flum". It was a toy that made farting noises. I thought my mom, the matriarch of this mess, would be mad and make us throw it away. But, it turns out, she was the one who found it funniest. And that includes all my nephews who are between the ages of 7-10 who love farts.

Here she is in a laughing/crying fit. Oh flerm/flerp/flum!
I love the decor of Park City vacation condos. Because it includes a lot of skis, beaver pelts, antlers, and wilderness art.

Like this mother bear, yelling at her kids.
But then on closer inspection you see they are actually being hunted. So let that be a lesson. When you see one of us moms yelling and chasing our kids, it's probably because we're being hunted. So don't judge.
The miracle of life. Performed by deer.
Calvin has 2 cousins both younger than him and both outweighing him by at least 10 lbs. One of these cousins is named Nix. So Calvin thinks the name for big babies who are brunette and outweigh him is "Nixers". This is Calvin and one of the "Nixers" practicing their best Toddler Pageant moves. You're welcome Cory.

My bros. Turns out my parents have a secret talent of playing pool. My mom is a regular pool shark.
Ah Miguel.

Cory, Calvin and one of the Nixers.One night, all of the siblings went out to dinner. This picture is taken exactly 13 seconds before Beth looked at the menu and exclaimed, "$45 for an entree!!!". Cory found a back entrance that we ran out of. We can never show our faces in Park City again until we can all pay for a $45 entree and wear jumpsuits made of mink fur and diamonds.
This picture is taken exactly 12 minutes later at a bar that serves $10 burgers.
After feeling so unclassy for our actions, we classed it up doing air guitar solos and overbites in the parking garage.

We were so lucky to be able to meet up with the Banks family in Heber on our way home. This train was hot to the touch of toddler thighs!
The end.

In Honor of the 4th

2010-07-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

In honor of the fourth, I made up a song about America:

Uh'murica. Uh'murica. Your eagle stands so true.
Your purple skies and majesties and pilgrims hats of yore.

We salute your freedom and your truth.
Your precious waves of dignity.

Uh'murica. Uh'murica. Now let's see those fireworks we drove all the way for!

It still needs tweaking because I need to fit in something about monster trucks and also probably make it rhyme.

This 4th, per usual, we went to Prescott to see the "Oldest Rodeo in the World". This year they had a one-armed guy whipping some buffalo around the arena and isn't that symbolic of America? You know, because America was founded by rag tags and we made the buffalo extinct.

We were so happy to meet up with the Burnetts this year.

This is my fellow beard Ellie. She is Canadian but gets extra points for being so patriotic to the country that has made her immigration process less than fun. She is in disguise here because rumor has it that Arizona is deporting all non-americans. Plus there are now laws that we can all carry guns and we're racists. I hate you Arizona.

I bring you Lizzie. Lizzie has been promised to Calvin since before they were born. So 1-2-3 NO GIVEBACKS! We get her. And her fabulous, beautiful genes. Sweet Baby James my grandkids are gonna be beautiful!
That's right.....just keep your love simmering...in a crockpot of passion....until you're at an appropriate age to marry.....your parents are eagerly watching.
She's studious too!

The Precious Jewel That is Cory

2010-07-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

I just have to take a moment to tip my hat to my husband who toils and sweats at a desk all day. I don't know if he really sweats. I'm 100% sure he toils.

While he plays Perry Mason by day, by night he is Ansel Adams. One of his pictures was featured on the homepage of Aminus. Nice work Perry Adams.

If you want a break from your toiling and/or sweating, check out his photoblog here.

Enjoy

2010-06-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

Good Job On Your Wedding Guys.

2010-06-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Cory and I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of who I refer to as my "Firecracker of a Female Taking the Business World By Storm Really Cool Lady Who is SO Freakin' Smart and Who I Adore" friend Liberty and her partner in crime Mike.

It was probably the first time the following thought ever passed through my mind, "Weddings are friggin' awesome man!". Cory and I felt like we were sitting in a wedding magazine spread--I mean, I thought editorial weddings were created by CGI, much like Avatar.

Top to bottom the whole experience felt like gift from Lib and Mike. To be able to observe their very sincere and touching vows in line with their Hawaiian/Greek backgrounds, to the unbelievable 5 course meal made by a chef--at his personal home---at his personal vineyard in Napa. The toasts from family who we didn't know prior to the wedding but felt a part of by the end of the night. The touching "first dance" with Liberty and her dad.

Lib and Mike. Thank you for having us on such a meaningful day. We wish you both a continued lifetime of love and happiness!!

PS. To see more of this Uh-MAZING wedding, click here.

Anniversary Trip To Jerome

2010-05-08T00:04:00.000-07:00

Jerome is a mining town that was once a flourishing, popular destination for many people. But over the years, gravity forced many buildings to slide down the hill, so then it was rebuilt and reinforced but things just kept sliding. From what remains you can tell it used to be a beautiful town and it's still beautiful in a sad, aging way. So you try not to look too close. Wait, are we talking about Pamela Anderson now? Was that a DWTS reference? Did I lose you on that story David?

BROOKE BURKE!!

Now you're back.

Jerome is crazy super haunted. I didn't know that when I picked it for our anniversary destination. Because Cory doesn't believe in ghosts and I do so guess who stayed up all night waiting for ghosts? Not Cory.

The hotel we stayed at was the inspiration behind the sequel to "Old Dogs". It was called "Old Dogs New Tricks". Old man bikers love it. Like the kind of old man bikers who really live in the suburbs and wear Tommy Bahama. They like to come sit at the downstairs bar and think about their fake hard living on the fake open road. But with enough Seger/Mellencamp tunes from the local band and Mexican beer, any white collar can turn to blue. You can spot them because of their new leather chaps that are a little too stiff and white athletic socks.

If you look closely down this hallway you can see twin girls and rolling fruit. If you don't know what movie I'm referencing, you probably never had a babysitter when you were 6 years old that made you sit through The Shining. And because that didn't happen, you probably don't make your mom stay in your bedroom with you when you go home to visit. And you're almost 32. Ugh! I hate twins and fruit and childhood trauma that I still can't shake!

The very chair where Doc Holliday was shot by Billy the Kid. Wait, that's not true. It's just a chair.
Waiting for the ghosts that never came....
Cory was so refreshed the next morning from a full night's sleep.

Old Dogs sighting!

An old insane asylum turned fancy restaurant. The only thing insane here now is the chocolate cake. That we ate twice in two days.

If you let your lazy eye wander to the left a little and then close one eye, this almost looks like a villa in Venice. Open/straighten your eyes! You're not looking at Hailey's recap of the real Venice! Still Jerome.

Some very classy artwork found in a restaurant bathroom. I thought it was actually a sign because Cory and I re-fell in love on a roller coaster at Six Flags New Jersey in 2005. I think we actually were looking at this same sight when it happened.

Clearly these girls heard about the new Arizona law(s). What? Too fresh to talk about? When it's not too fresh, let's talk about how many illegal immigrants are moving from Arizona to Colorado. Jenn! Stop taking our population! You already have fresh mountain streams, lesbians in Outbacks, mukluk boots. Shouldn't that be enough?

This Is The Longest I've Ever Done Anything

2010-04-22T13:31:00.001-07:00

Waking up this morning on our fourth/feels-like-fortieth anniversary.....looking over at a sleeping Cory in his Beaver pants Jenn bought him at a Texas truck stop.....But certainly not casting any stones since I wear a housedress pretty much at all times....

And then Calvin running in the room because he came across some random Mexican tortilla snack hidden in the back of our cupboards called "Takis Del Fuego" and it was burning a red blister mustache into his skin......

I knew I was the luckiest son of a gun that ever was. Happy anniversary ya old beaver pelt. You too fuego mustache.

I Guess You Had To Be There

2010-04-21T16:24:00.001-07:00

I was very lucky that I had my cousin as my best friend growing up. We spent 18 blissful years attached at the hip speaking our own language, laughing at our own inside jokes, and loving every minute of it.

When Melissa and I get together, we revert back into our 14 year old selves and Cory runs for cover. Let's just say 14 was not a good age for me. It was a GREAT age for me.

Melissa fashioned these tee shirts with the saying "Jealous Much?" from a dream I had a few weeks ago. These tee shirts are literally a dream coming true.

This is Madi, Melissa's daughter. She speaks Meljenese. It must be genetic. Let's be honest, sometimes she leads the pack on good ideas and inside jokes. Like indoor helmets.

There comes a time in every girl's life when her Auntie must show her the ropes of the toe touch dance.
Now you've got it!

"Mmmm....now that we're wearing these "Jealous Much" tees and pleather pants from the Miley Cyrus collection.....where should we take this party?"

"Wait! I've got it!!"

"Let's go to Scary Walmart on Thomas and 32nd at 2am!" But then it was a real disappointment because turns out that it isn't scary at 2am. Just in the middle of the day when I go to buy milk.

The rest of the trip included a trip to Greasewood Flats to listen to the Golden Country cover band that really just ended up singing Eagles covers because the requests of the PTA club that showed up and the wasted middle aged women in capris trumped everyone. But we did watch them dancing with themselves and sometimes falling over all night. So then there's that.

My gallbladder really hurt from laughing so hard at all times.

"Mmmm...now what?"

"Nacho appetizers for every meal!!"

"Oh, and let's buy all of Last Chance".

Thanks for the good times guys! This will always be your winter home. I'll be coming to my summer home (aka your backyard) soon enough.

XOXOXOX

Party Like It's 2006 BC (Before Calvin)

2010-04-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

It seems like Cory and I can go for months in our "groove" without realizing we have a very fun relationship independent from being "Mom and Dad", "Brother and Sister Broadbent" or "Cory Esquire and Jenna-home-in-sweats".

We bought tickets to see Patty Griffin in Tucson last week on a "school night". We felt like we were going rogue. (No, seriously we did, that's how sad it is).

Sorry Avett Brothers. We'd love to be back for your show but we only get out twice a year. Let's not get greedy.

Precious Springtime Moments

2010-04-21T15:40:00.001-07:00

Springtime in Phoenix is full of precious, tender moments. And precious, tender visitors from the east coast.

Sometimes you wake up and there is a beautiful Tongan man sunning himself in the backyard on a denim blanket.

Other times you find a sleeping child in the soft, loving bosom "Sweet Mystique".

Or when said beautiful Tongan sunbather became the best brown manny Cal has ever had. "Now THAT'S a manny!"

Beautiful artistic baby hand shots in black and white. Sa, sa tender.

Sonoran hot dogs at 2am. But only 2 each since we already had dinner. So tender. So dainty.

I'm not fooling anyone. Jenn and Richie, your trip to Phoenix was like a Sweet Mystique left hook to my face.

Even though we took our daily, regular Activia breaks on the couch.....

it's gonna take a bit to recover from all the laughing this weekend. I love you guys. You two are an extension of our family tree forever. We love you both.

Dear Jon Shaffer,

2010-04-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

Calvin here. Thank you for the style advice on the boat shoes. You were right. They are comfortable, whimsy and I'm ready for a nautical adventure at a moment's notice.

Easter 2010

2010-04-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

Worn out from the egg hunt.

Cory made these eggs look so art-y.

Real helping.

Pretend helping.

Best. Sister Wife. Ever.

Shaunner

2010-04-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

I really, really love my mom. If there were a surgical procedure to reattach your umbilical cord, I would do it. Just kidding. Or am I?

She came to AZ for a week to help out while I was at the K.R.P.L.. She cooked one-of-a-kind creations, cleaned, played golf with Calvin until her little pootsies and pingers were so tired, worked tirelessly to potty train Calvin, networked with everyone in line at Last Chance, and made me laugh so much, the place where my gallbladder used to be turned into a sinkhole.

If anyone knows how to mend an accidentally severed umbilical cord or where to find an adult size Baby Bjorn, please contact me. I just love 'yer Shaunners. Thanks again for everything.

Remember Rick Moranis From Spaceballs?

2010-04-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

K.R.P.L. Or Bust!

2010-03-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

My 31 year old insides are all dead and Cory tells me it's time to ship me off the rendering plant. It's called the Kunies Rendering Plant for Ladies so you know it's good.

We have agreed to tell Calvin that his mom went to live at a beautiful ranch where she had plenty of room to run. That ranch is where my mom sent all my pets growing up. Maybe we can all run together.

Pretty Sneaky Compound North

2010-03-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

As you may know, the Broadbent family is split into 2 main factions. Compound North (Utah) and Compound South (Arizona). The exception is Texas, where Sean and his family reside.

So when Compound North hired Texas/Switzerland to invade Compound South, it was a very stealthy move.

When the Texas visitors arrived for spring break, they brought "The Disease Which Shall Not Be Named". Within 3 days, it had taken down every single member of Compound South, except for Hailey. Turns out, she is actually a robot.

We surrender Compound North. You win. Also, Spring Break 2010 blows!

Life before wartime. The precious hours we had.

Sean and Tad. Aka "Compound North's Trojan Horses"

The cost of war. Yes, that is vomit on Sean's Infinity. And in the reflection you can see people pointing and laughing?

Dear Sean,

Let us know when we can officially laugh about this and the renaissance fair traffic jam. Also please forgive me for sending you to the Red Roof Inn in Tempe. XOXO

Potty Training

2010-03-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Since our parenting/family style resembles "feral wolves fending for themselves", I didn't know that Calvin should be potty trained by now. I thought potty training happened the night before you start public school.

Since boy parts and their functions scare me and/or make me laugh, I figured I would employ the "Laissez-faire" approach to potty training with Calvin. Or is it actually spelled "Lazy Fair" in this case?

This is how it's going so far:

Casting Call!

2010-03-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

"Will and Grace the Musical" will be playing at our home the weekend of April 17th. The parts of Will and Grace will be played by Polynesian New Yorkers Jenn and Richie.

I will be playing Karen and Cory will be reprising the role of Rosario the maid.

There is still an opening for the role of Jack. Bring your own sweater vest and Keds. Must be limber, must be quick. No Canadians, please.

The critics are already giving it 3 thumbs up and 2 snaps in the air.

2010-03-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

I really mean it.

I love myself crazy broads who just muscle their way right in and ruin things. What would the world be without them/us?

Shaffer Madness 2010

2010-02-17T13:51:00.001-08:00

A true friend is one who:

-Has a matching neck tattoo that says "Follow Your Dreams"
-Let's you experiment with their hair until you magically turn it into your very same hair. Even though that's not what she was intending and even though that's what I was intending.
-Has a husband who is my shoe solemate/soulmate and new favorite pal
-Comes up with fun detours on the way to get groceries
-Will give up Valentines in exchange for a fun friend weekend
-Will give Calvin piggyback rides around the backyard even though she really just wanted to drink diet coke and watch Kell on Earth
-Is pretty deep about life and is fun to talk to--always

We love you guys. Now go follow your dreams and avoid muskrat packs!

Sedontcha?

2010-02-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

There are so many reasons why Cory is a very amazing husband. Now another reason to add to the list is that I can wake up on a Saturday morning and say "I really wish we were staying in an old 1970's cabin with a fireplace and that Calvin had a river to throw rocks in for a few hours." and he makes it happen. He's that great.

In a few hours later I was sitting in his truck, some beef jerky and diet coke in hand and we were on our way to Sedona.
The view from our 1970's cabin.

Thanks Cory. That trip was like a soothing salve to my soul.

2010-01-31T22:40:00.001-08:00

worst. grammys. ever.

The Hubs

2010-01-24T14:05:00.000-08:00

Cory said if I don't shower today he's kicking me out of the band. But before I go, I wanted to post the link to his new photo blog.

He got a Cannon 7d for Christmas which I guess is like the cat's pajamas if you like that kind of stuff.

Check out some of his pics here: clbphotoblog.blogspot.com

Also, if you have a chance to leave a comment, tell him to not kick me out of the band!

Saturday Brunch at The Farm at South Mountain

2010-01-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

2010-01-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

Hola. Me llamo es Calvin. Yo soy un luchador famoso in Mexico. Mi nombre de arena es Nino de los Pantalones Llenos. Tengas cuidado de mis pasos dulces!

Swapping

2010-01-17T14:37:00.001-08:00

What are New Years Resolutions but reasons to feel poorly about yourself in February when you realize you haven't kept any of them?

No resolutions for me this year. I've decided that I will, however, commit to swapping out old vices for new ones. That way we keep it fresh and still have fun.

Swap 1: Entertainment Obsessions

I am breaking up with Twilight/RPatsz. I am. You won't hear me talk about it anymore. I read the books once a few years back and have never been able to make it through them again. Then I started making fan tees and going to midnight showings. I thought we were all having a good time. But the I've also have 3 friendterventions. And, well, intervention me once, shame on you. Intervention me twice....well you can't intervention me twice.

*SWAP*

I bring you my new obsession. Snickers/Snookie/Snooks/Schnooks.

Everything that comes out of her mouth is gold. With a certain bright orange tint. If she wrote an inspirational coffee book of quotes called "Snookie Soup for The Soul" I would buy it at Borders and then sleep overnight at the book signing just to meet her and shake her little manicured troll hand. I love her. She has cartwheeled her way right into my heart and that's where she shall stay for 2010. She reminds me a little of every woman my uncles have ever married and then divorced. She's practically family.

Swap 2: Energy Boosting Vices

Due to momterventions and mounting scientific proof of it's ill effects, I will be giving up caffeine.

*SWAP*

Methamphetamines. I think you can smoke it. Is that bad? Wait, what's that you say mom? You don't want me smoking meth? Well the, caffeine might be hanging around for a little bit in 2010.

Swap 3: German Sounding Vices

Steering clear of Schadenfreude. Even if 98.9% of my Schadenfreude occurs on PerezHilton and regards people I don't know. I want good things for the people I love. I also want to surround myself with good people who like good things for myself and the people I love.

*SWAP*

Steering towards Scharffen Berger. Especially if it's 70% +.

Swap 4: Dried Meat Vice

Peppered Beef Jerky

*SWAP*

Teriyaki Beef Jerky.

Swap 4: Redhead Personality Vices

I think sometimes my celebrity doppelganger would be Joy Behar from the View. That brash, loud talkin' broad. But not even the real Joy Behar. Joy Behar when Fred Armisen is impersonating her.

*SWAP*

I want to be more like Joan on Mad Men season 3. So not the sleeping with your boss Joan. The resourceful redhead who loves purple and playing the accordion at dinner parties. Also I'm going to dye my hair red in 2010.

Happy New Years and and here's to new, improved vices and poor habits!

The Start of Something Great

2010-01-06T22:52:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure this is how Gene Simmons got his start. Taking candy tubes to excess. Late nights. Glamorous pajamas with flowing meshy wings.

Miles. You really do bring us smiles. All through the day.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-06T20:12:00.000-08:00

This may have been my favorite Christmas of all time. It could be for any of the following reasons:

1) We got to stop in Mesquite for the Casa Blanca buffet with Sam and Shannon

2) Cory took so much time off

3) Monica got her new husband Tim a gift card for dental work

4) We had a friend bonanza in SLC with pretty much every one of my favorite people who all just happened to be in SLC on that one night. My brain almost exploded from happiness

5) I met Jenn's friend Emaly. She is the embodiment of all my hopes and dreams in one person

6) Jae and Beth were in town from Texas

7) My parent's basement was entirely covered in Geo Trax

8) I got to spend time with Melissa and her girls and we escaped being arrested by the Salem police by the skin of our teeth and the acceleration of Cory's truck

9) Cory's parents watched Calvin and we had a great night out with the Broadbent siblings.

It was fantastic. Too bad I left my camera at home. I did steal this picture from Monica. It's our only Christmas memory. The other memories will have to live on in our hearts and minds.

It's Science

2010-01-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

It's a scientific fact that toddlers are aesthetically pleasing to the eye as a survival tactic. If it weren't for their adorableness and baby photo shoots with props, mothers would naturally unhinge their jaws and swallow them whole. So thanks to my talented sister in law Jamie. And thanks to science. The Broadbent Family line will continue on.

PS. Just kidding Calvin. Mama loves you. It's not you. It's me. Thanks Jami!!!

2009-12-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

Hailey, I stole these pictures from your blog of Thanksgiving. But what are you going to do about it? You're in Paris right now and I'm here, all alone, with nothing to do but poach pictures off your blog and drink gravy straight from my 32 oz fan chalice.

How You Say "Bait and Switch" in French?

2009-12-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

One time last night Cory made me watch a movie. "It's from the guy who made Amelie", he said. "You love that movie". So then we started watching it late one night. And then right off the bat it was a little horrifying. "No, it's not scary. It's just French", he said. And so we watched on....deep into the night....against my better judgement......

Let's talk about the scary santas, the two headed twins, the clone little people, the scary toys, the orphans, the distorted circus music, the stealing of children's dreams, the emaciated old man scientist, the red headed strong man in a belly shirt, the flies, the fish, the murky water.

It was horrifying and fabulous. And so were my nightmares.

A Little Slice of Heaven

2009-12-14T15:04:00.000-08:00

This is my very favorite picture ever. I don't know exactly why. Just a sunny day with Calvin enjoying himself in the tub. Heaven.

It's Coming......

2009-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

Hats Off To Wonderful Friends

2009-11-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

Did you maybe think this post is just a cut and paste from last year's Thanksgiving week?

Nope. These are totally different long sleeved gray fan tees.

Glenjamins was here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I love her so much that the world does not have enough exclamation points to put behind that sentence so I'll settle with 23.)

My fan tee reflected my historic love of older men with mustaches and flannel who love berry cobbler and fishing.

Hailey's focused on the hilarious phenomenon of "Three Wolf Moon". If you have been living under a rock like I have for the past year, you may not have heard of it. But then Hailey will tell you that the only things you need to know is that involves wolves, howling at the moon, riding side-saddle on a scooter at Walmart, and having magical powers, and you're set. But also you should probably read the reviews and then buy one.

Jenn's fan tee celebrated the rainbow of colors that make up her groups of friends--this picture was easily altered to be a fan tee because it included a Navajo, an African American, and a white guy walking into a bar. It's not a racist joke. She's just really into diversity and also diet coke for breakfast.

PS. Jenn doesn't really have cornrows. But photoshopping lustrous hair at the roots is hard.

Thanks girls for a really fun weekend. Also Jenn, thanks for always saying the right thing at the right time. You have a real talent for it. Your visit was a treasure--not unlike my fan chalice.